I don’t know much about weddings. Other than the fact that I have attended several weddings, stood next to the groom a couple of times and been a groom once, I really wouldn’t know how to plan a wedding. If there is one thing that I do know is that a wedding is the bride’s day and nothing or no one should attempt to outshine the bride. If Taylor Swift is invited to the wedding, she should be expected to wear a potato sack. If my daughter wants to have 200 guests and a wedding cake with 14 tiers at her wedding, I should be expected to invite 200 guests and carry the 14 tier wedding cake to the reception myself. As a father, I will do everything that I can to make sure my daughter shines in every way, not to please the bride mind you, she’s leaving our home, but to make sure my wife doesn’t make my life miserable for a prolonged period of time. “Happy Wife. Happy Life. Till Death do us Part.” Those are reverential words to live by and pretty much all a groom to be needs to know. Remind me to mention these words to my daughter’s future fiance’.
Weddings are celebrations. For most of history and still applicable in many cultures today, weddings were and are arranged for alliance purposes, to forge a bond between two families or two countries. Entire towns would spend several days celebrating weddings with lavish meals, negotiated gifts, and prayers for fertility. In the middle ages, jewelry and luxurious attire became a sign of wealth and societal standing. Wedding bands began to be exchanged. In the late 1800’s, more and more weddings were held for love. Dating really didn’t begin until after WWII when the automobile gave young couples the freedom to sample without a parental chaperone. In 1840, Queen Victoria of Great Britain wore a white wedding dress and began the most recognizable aspect of the modern wedding; a white wedding dress. Many a young girl has imagined what their wedding day would be like and a beautiful white wedding dress is essential. The other recognizable aspect of weddings is that they’ve become big business. According to “The Knot”, the average American wedding costs over $35,000.[1] In today’s world, while the girl’s family is still expected to sponsor the wedding, it is not unusual for the groom’s family to help pay for the wedding.
I think most guys approach their own wedding with a “just give me the time and place and I’ll be there attitude”. Smart guys keep this attitude to themselves. Weddings are for brides, mothers, maids-of-honor, and little flower girls. Smart guys do not complain during the tuxedo fitting or during the pre-engagement party, the engagement party, the pre-wedding rehearsal, or the wedding rehearsal. As a father, I know what the costs could be and while I will never verbally complain about the cost of the wedding, that doesn’t mean that I can’t grimace or grit my teeth during the process.
Here’s what you need to know. $35,000 today is $47,000 ten years from now and $63,000 twenty years from now. To save $47,000 in ten years, you’ll need to set aside $4,000 annually or $320 per month. To save $63,000 in twenty years, you’ll need $2,100 each year or $172 per month.
However, if you want to affect the future costs of the wedding, you need to take some pre-steps in order to reduce the future costs of this wedding. Now as a father, I want to celebrate at the wedding so there is a fine line between promoting a City Hall wedding and nice church wedding with a modest reception. Here is a sample of where the largest costs lie.
You may notice that the largest expense is the reception venue but you will also notice that catering per person is more than a nice dinner at Cheesecake Factory. Limiting the number of guests will have the most dramatic effect on the cost of the wedding so you should lay the groundwork with your daughter while she’s ten years old with repeated comments like:
Small weddings are so much more intimate than large weddings.
Open bars lead to public drunkenness.
I think a destination wedding in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada would be delightful.
You know, a few balloons and some streamers at the Moose Lodge over by the Doobie Deli will look great.
Wedding Planners are overrated. Your Mom told me she’d love to plan the whole wedding.
For every 50 guests you drop, I’ll throw in $3,000 for your honeymoon.
If Steve Martin can throw a movie wedding in his backyard, so can we.
Taylor Swift cannot come to your wedding.
I can guarantee that outside of the last comment, none of this will alter your daughter’s ultimate vision for a wedding and you likely will pay a sizable amount so just start saving. My only hope is that you don’t have five daughters.
For other topics under Saving for Your Dreams
[1] The Average Wedding Cost, According to Real Couples & Vendors (theknot.com)